Juggling and Cinnamon Bread

The beginning of summer is somehow upon us, and I am just thankful to be standing. Also it was Mother's Day and it was a muther of a day. It included sweet alone time with kids but also many meltdowns and a tick. And a lack of baked goods.

I don't remember where I heard it first, but I always come back to the same metaphor about juggling glass and rubber balls: some aspects of life you can drop for awhile and then pick back up and others are a little more fragile. I think the kicker really is that you don't always know which are breakable. And currently I am juggling while three small toddlers try to grab all the balls. 

I know the school/work ball is rubber. Thank goodness. I passed my preliminary exam and submitted my prospectus. Fieldwork is planned and samples are being acquired. The semester is over. Dropping/dribbling this ball has been a great feeling. 

The cleanliness/housekeeping ball is bouncy, but after awhile starts to crumble like it is old and dried out. I am pushed myself too far several times and realized just how much this can affect my juggling abilities. 

The parenting-a-3-year-old ball is giant: it's heavy and difficult to hold and glass. He is SO filled to the brim with all of the feelings and opinions and strength and my capacity for learning how to deal with it is low. I am starting to realize the amount of guilt/shame I carry around related to his behaviors, and I know that this makes it much more difficult for me to parent the way I want to. I am hoping that noticing and admitting things like this helps set me on a more confident path to success. This has been pretty all-consuming lately.

The twin's balls are also getting bigger and denser, but thankfully are still pretty bouncy. I am grateful for their ability to sleep alright and entertain themselves. And dang are they cute.  

The personal mental/physical health ball is bouncy, but has been losing momentum. This leads to bad interactions with the spouse's mental/physical health ball, too. 

Overall, I am hoping that the new juggling pattern over the next few months can focus on people and family. The first 4 months of this year were all taken up by school and I am ready to heal my body and built up relationships that had adapted to being bouncier than usual. I know everyone goes into a new season thinking "I will have more time! I will do more hobbies! I will go to the gym!". I will consider it a win if one of those things feels true for awhile. 

My kids have rediscovered squishy store-bought cinnamon bread. To rebuild my hobbies, my goal  is to dial in a homemade version just in time for them to be sick of eating it. -Mel