Time traveling

 Somehow it is December. October was busy not November just didn't happen this year. No one could have prepared me for the suffocating and never-ending barrage of illnesses that come with having kids in daycare. I remember friends talking about it, and I now owe those friends a wholehearted apology for just not really getting it. If I wasn't touched by another person until 2023, it would be too soon. Our foodscape has been desperation and stress, dipped in cheese and rolled in sugar. All of this came to a roaring crescendo just before Thanksgiving with the hospitalization of H.

  The emergency room was traumatic - we were almost airlifted to another hospital hours away - and four days in the PICU were soulsucking. At the time I ran on adrenaline and gratitude for all of the friends and family that stepped in to help, but I feel like I am still coming down. I had talked about what had happened with friends and family, but it wasn't until over a week later I realized that I hadn't talked about it with my husband at all. We had both been running from one thing to another trying to keep everything on the rails and hadn't made a moment for ourselves. The whole thing was just a lot. 

I am trying to ease into the cold as a way of cooling myself down. Trying to imagine what baking holiday treats can look like when we are juuust starting to get our bearings. I don't know. I just don't know. 

And at the end of all this, the twins are half a year old. This was the milestone I told myself when they were born. Just get to 6 months: they are less fragile and bobbly, they are able to sleep better (ours aren't but that's another story), smiles and sitting up. I am mostly writing this entry (clearly I haven't kept this up) to force myself to take a minute to acknowledge this milestone. We are halfway out of infancy. 

I will close with a plea to the nonexistent reader: I see my peers doing all of these things that will get them a job one day. The "extra" things we are expected to do. I can't do them, and I am so worried that it will cost me my future. My plea is to just remember what student parents are going through. We have a second full time job. Sometimes it takes over completely. Just don't forgot about us. Especially during flu/RSV season.